Akathisia is a form of torture
Akathisia at Risperdal
As I have found myself, psychiatric drugs are used far too lightly in psychiatry. Presumably also through psychiatrists.
These "drugs" bring you to the edge of the abyss. Unfortunately, there are still doctors who simply ignore the side effects that occur, counter them with higher doses or prescribe other drugs to suppress them.
From my own painful experience, I would like to warn against believing the pharmaceutical industry's advertising promises.
A side effect that occurred to me was sitting and moving restlessness, akathisia.
Akathisia is torture for those affected, a torture of hell, even in movement this discomfort cannot be shaken off. At that time I would have entered into the fictitious swap with the life of a paraplegic person immediately in this long-lasting phase so as not to be exposed to this feeling of torture. I would have also swapped my arms and legs in order to be able to have peace within myself again.
I still remember too well when, after about a week and a half in the clinic, I suddenly noticed that I could no longer stand still in one place. I thought I was in the wrong movie. It was very, very scary. During the rounds I repeatedly pointed out this fact, but after a few days I realized with complete resignation that none of the doctors took me seriously.
It was completely misdiagnosed as an anxiety disorder. Since I believed that the clinic could help because of my original palpitations, I had to find out the opposite.
In psychiatry it was not considered necessary to check my heart and its function by means of an examination, instead I was emphatically aware of the very first day of my stay of several months
Diazepam (Psychopax, 60 drops per day / 3 months),
various antidepressants (sertraline, mirtabene, tolvon) and
Neuroleptics (Risperdal, Seroquel, Cyprexa, Truxal),
Believing that a doctor would help in an emergency, I believed them, took these tablets, even though I expressed my skepticism.
They made it clear to me that I had no questions to ask and that they were the experts, the doctors.
From the beginning I did not understand why I should take neuroleptics, I have never had anything to do with psychotropic drugs in my life. The doctors said they were very important to me. After all, I want to get well. But I had no voices in my head, I replied. But it would be important for my anxiety disorder, as you said, to take it. And it would be against my circle of thoughts. I was still wondering what that meant. Circles of thought. Yes, how else should the thoughts go through your head if not in a circle.
With these and similar statements by the doctors, I became more and more insecure.
and then took this medication rather reluctantly. I couldn't and didn't want to believe that I was sick, as the doctors have made me believe.
In retrospect, I find that I was an easy victim. Scared by a physical problem (palpitations), I was easy prey and fell into the clutches of the pharmaceutical industry.
Through my long stay in the clinic, I was able to get a good idea of the approach of the doctors working there, and medication is started immediately. Too frivolous in my opinion.
The side effects should not be underestimated and can be fatal.
Once in this vicious circle and you're lost, at least it was me. Doctors don't give a damn how you deteriorate or go insane. Insane of the drugs. It is then all dismissed as psychosis or schizophrenia or ...
A connection between medication and physical and mental decline is not recognized. Actually, this approach borders on a crime.
I was ordained dead. The list of side effects added up. My own family members did not recognize me. Neither do I anymore. I wasn't myself anymore !!!!! Explain that to someone, e.g. to a psychiatrist: I bet you will be talked into the next diagnosis: depersonalization! That was the case with me too.
My side effects, each one a "hellish effect":
Akathisia (known as restlessness in sitting and moving, an agony that is highly perceived as torture and leaves one in despair)
Difficulty concentrating. I couldn't even have read three lines from a simple magazine.
Empty thoughts in the head. There was nothing left in the head. As much as I wished I could think of something, there was nothing there.
Feeling that time won't go by. My sense of time may have been damaged. A minute lasted an eternity, I couldn't understand why the pointer hadn't moved on. I wondered how I would even get through a day when a minute was an eternity to me.
Death boredom. Without thoughts in the head and without the ability to concentrate, this then joined them.
Limitation of thought to loss. Yes, what should I say...
Speech motivation sank to a minimum (5 words with hardship). I couldn't even defend myself or defend myself in any way. The doctor spoke in my place when it came to a two-week hearing by a judge. Not only was there no motivation, but a real freeze.
Rigid gaze, tunnel vision. In a conversation with the doctor, I announced that I had the feeling of being frozen in a block of ice.
Facial expression freezing. I couldn't move the muscles in my face anymore. A smile would not have been possible. My face felt lifeless. I no longer recognized myself in the mirror because I was used to a different face of mine.
Hallucinations: Concerning my appearance, concerning the environment, distances no longer seemed normal, everything seemed much closer together, mountains that I had previously perceived as far away had moved much closer. Vertical distances from e.g. Houses on the ground were perceived as distorted, it did not appear high enough.
Attacks of aggressiveness: I caught myself thinking that I wanted to take a chair and knock it down. I tried to suppress this.
Loss of feelings, flattening of feelings - emptiness:
In the morning I had a short window of time in which I briefly felt minimal feelings, after which they disappeared throughout the day. It was very strange to me. Everything that had previously been linked to feelings was suddenly blown away. It was no longer accessible.
Feelings of fear: I felt that processes in my body were taking place without my involvement that I could not influence. This included adrenaline rushes, which led to increased heart palpitations and feelings of anxiety.
Unconsciousness: I collapsed several times during my stay. Every now and then I wouldn't wake up until a sister helped me up. Once I even heard myself hit the floor in the bathroom. During this time I was treated with Truxal, among other things.
Loss of appetite. I lost 8 pounds in a short period of time.
Later, during weaning, insatiable urge for sweets and milk.
Clouding of consciousness: Every now and then I crawled like an animal on all fours completely disoriented to the lunch table. I couldn't stand on my feet at all. But I saw everything with full consciousness, except for the times when I became completely unconscious.
Suicidal drive: the urge to take your own life.
tormenting urge that spreads in the body like a tsunami and against which you can hardly defend yourself because you actually want to live yourself. Every day for several hours.
How I escaped this bad trip is a different story. It borders on a miracle.
I know with 100 percent certainty and with the life of my family and everything that is dear to me, I swear that all the conditions I couldn't understand at the time were side effects of the medication prescribed for me.
Hidden by the doctors, but gradually researched by me. I feel confirmed by numerous videos on the Internet !!!!
It was with these reports that I mobilized my last reserves and tried to hold out. After these reports, it was clear to me: You have to get away from this stuff. If things hadn't gotten better after weaning, I could still have thought about what to do next. I had nothing more to lose.
The withdrawal took place, so to speak, against the medical advice. I proceeded entirely according to my intuition. I knew that there was a problem with withdrawal. I slowly reduced all the pills, step by step, but because of the suicidal drive I couldn't take too long to do so. I didn't know how much longer I could withstand this overwhelming urge. I parted with nail scissors, quartered, eighth, sixteenth, and waited a few days. I am expressly not making any recommendations here, it is solely my experience.
It took me a while to realize that something was about to change in my miserable condition. Still, it was a bright spot. There were also night and morning sweats. But my plan was clear and so I fought second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour. I wanted to be the same again. I wanted to stay alive for my family. I couldn't have done "it" to them. It took several months for the side effects to gradually subside and I also felt validated that I was on the right track. No psychiatrist, no doctor could have helped me. The solution was within me. As this was a requirement of the treating doctors, a psychiatrist refused to give me medical help in the follow-up phase after the clinic, because I announced that I wanted to reduce my medication. My collaboration was terminated.
I intuitively associate neuroleptics with all of the side effects I have listed,
with the exception of the suicidal drive, which I attribute to antidepressants.
What can happen under the influence of psychotropic drugs and what unfortunately happens again and again, unfortunately, can be read in many reports on the Internet.
Take care of yourselves!
And remember: the pharmaceutical industry is one of the most powerful industries of all.
Billions can be made with antidepressants and the like. The prerequisite for this are people who can be diagnosed with "diseases" and then also believe it. Unfortunately, I also fell into this trap.
I fought for my life even though I was more dead than alive.
With psychiatric drugs, one can be buried alive.
This text only reflects my experiences. I don't want to take responsibility for anyone. Everyone has to decide for themselves whether the psychotropic drugs will help them or not.
I am sincerely pleased for all those who these drugs have helped to improve the quality of life.
However, I would like to warn you that there are irreparable side effects that cannot be reversed even after discontinuation. And unfortunately also fatal side effects.
Please stay strong, don't give up hope and bb hold on. The way is like crossing the "Death Valley", alone and without water.
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