Is your best friend male or female

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITSSex with your best friend

Good friends share everything! Just not the bed. When a friendship between a man and a woman ends in the sheets, the interpersonal relationship sometimes also comes to an end. This need not be. About sex with your best friend and its consequences.

We are just friends! Everyone knows this saying. From the mouth of a celebrity trying to put savory photos into perspective. From the roommate who explains her nocturnal absence, or from her own language. But what is really behind this sentence? A phrase? The truth? Or maybe more eroticism and sex than many man-woman friendships would like?

There is (actually) no such thing as «we're just friends»

Is it up to the scientist Dr. Bleske-Rechek from the American University of Wisconsin Eau Claire, the answer is crystal clear: there is no such thing as friendship between men and women. In an extensive study, the psychologist examined over 200 men and women who were supposedly platonic friends. And found out what sooner or later usually comes to light anyway: Above all, the lords of creation did not only have friendship in mind. The majority of male best friends admitted that they had already wasted a thought or two on their best friend. According to the study, men are even more likely to enter into friendship with a woman if they find it attractive. But according to Bleske-Rechek, women can no longer only speak of friendship. According to the research, women have had sexual fantasies with their best friend at least once.

At second glance, these results are not that surprising. After all, you know each other inside out, like each other and trust each other. You get along great and somehow find each other attractive. If the best friend wasn't a great guy, he wouldn't be our best friend, would he? Theoretically, the attraction can be explained. In practice, this sometimes ends in bed. And here the exit is open. Maybe that is Sex with your best friend especially exciting, after all, both of them know exactly what they're getting into. Or you even discover feelings that were previously buried and more than friendship emerges. Maybe you can even find great love in him? Or after sex, the tension and curiosity are finally out of the way and they both go back to normal - and amicable - ways.

Sex With Your Best Friend: Do You Know The Side Effects?

But it can also be that these intimacies are anything but good for their friendship. Ultimately, they cross borders and, objectively, the friendship ends in bed. It is therefore important to be aware of the consequences. Because what can be relaxed and uncomplicated can also work in the opposite direction and turn your friendship completely upside down. What if one develops feelings but the other doesn't? Nobody likes to be rejected - especially not by their best friend! Perhaps you didn't enjoy having sex with your best friend at all, perhaps you now know your best friend from a side that you would have preferred to remain hidden from you and you regret this slip-up.

So what if it just happened? The good news first. According to a Michigan State University study, 74% of the time, sex doesn't interfere with friendship. So everything goes on as before. A result that stands out for Dr. Timothy Levine, co-author of the study, explains: “Most of those who sleep with a close friend are not looking for a relationship, just physical closeness. And it's just more pleasant to sleep with someone you know than with a stranger ». Soothing news for anyone who is taught that it will never be the same afterwards. Of course, after all, we were in bed with each other. However, the figures show that Sex with your best friend does not automatically mean that you lose each other. Sometimes you get a partner - ten percent of those surveyed entered into a love affair after the tête-à-tête. Now the bad news. 26 percent of friendships broke because of the bed talk. That's less than you think. But they also exist. Therefore: Sex with your best friend offers as many opportunities as there are risks. Feelings - regardless of their nature - are unpredictable. So be aware of the potential side effects before moving the friendship to bed.

Sex With Your Best Friend: The Most Important Rules

honesty: Sincerity is the basis of all friendship. So explain to your best friend how you feel. Only if both stick to the truth can one respond to one another and find a common path.

No false expectations: If feelings are involved, behavior and attitudes can change. For example, you tolerate things with a friend that you find unacceptable in your own partner (e.g. occasional flirting with others). If you decide to have a relationship with your best friend, you must be aware that both his and your behavior will change.

Check motifs: Before having sex with your best friend, everyone should examine their motives for the sudden pleasure. Is it really him who appeals to you? Or maybe you just feel lonely? Do not indulge in any sensations that could cause heartache to you or your best friend.

Understanding instead of promises: Maybe you swore to each other that when you go to bed with each other, no feelings will develop? Or did you agree that it would only happen once? The fact is: you can say a lot. One can wish for even more. But you still can't control feelings. If things turn out differently than expected, the friendship should therefore not end, but should only just begin. Show understanding if your best friend feels different than «planned». Be patient with your feelings (both of you). They are often confused at first after an intimate encounter, but soon settle down again as soon as something has grown on the matter.

Text: Linda Freutel, 24.09.2013

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