Would you have children of your own
What would you do differently today than your parents?
Reading time: approx. 10 minutes
If you are going to become or have become a father, you are sure to give a lot of thought to how you want to raise your child. You consider which values you convey and what you set as a parent. Many young parents, like us, do not have a clear idea of how they would like to raise their first child. What my wife and I knew was what we didn't want to do or what we wanted to do differently. In our environment there were already a few couples with children and we could see how they do it and think about whether we would do it similarly or not.
Of course, your own childhood also plays a major role. When I first became a father myself, I thought a lot about my own childhood.
What did my parents do, how was I raised?
I thought about what I - from today's perspective - found good and what didn't. Precisely because I want to do better with my own children the things that I didn't like or that I missed from today's perspective.
It is a natural thing to learn from any mistakes made by one's parents and try to do better. I don't mean to criticize my parents with that. Everyone makes mistakes or does things differently from others. Nobody is perfect. I try to combine what my parents did well with the things that I believe can be done better.
With this article I would like to share my experiences with you and hope that you will give me your opinion. What do you do or what would you do differently today than your parents did back then?
What do I do differently than my parents?
- Take time to play with the kids: My mother was a housewife and mother and there for us until we were teenagers. My father is an entrepreneur and has therefore always been very busy. Since he had his office at home, he was always present and available, but in a more passive manner. Our mother usually played with us. We did ventures with dad or accompanied him in his hobby. The time I spent with my father was very nice and that's why it would have been nice to have more of it. So I want to spend a lot of time with my children and take the time to play with them whenever I can. Only after that do I take Time for something else.
- Pay close attention to dental care: Personal hygiene in general and dental care in particular has always played a major role for us - to prevent misunderstandings. We always brushed our teeth twice a day. But in my teens, my parents practically passed the topic on to my own responsibility and I didn't handle it well. More control and possible intervention could have saved me one or the other painful session at the dentist. As a father, I not only want to demonstrate good dental care to my children, but also explain them. I think if you understand why dental care is so important, you will do it on your own. I hope this will have more of an effect than just letting go of annoying memories of brushing your teeth every day.
- Teaching children to handle money: Children the right one handling money teaching is very important for the future life of the children. At that time we were certainly also taught that you have to save. I never felt really cleared up about the topic. The subject is very complex and difficult to teach children. We start today in a playful way by z. B. were given a shop for Christmas. I read a lot of books on the subject and also try to educate myself.
- Teaching more routines: Routines structure everyday life and avoid stress. I want to set an example of such routines for my children right from the start (one of my Plans for the new year) and show them that certain routines can make life easier. For example, that getting up early in the morning means less hectic, that they can have breakfast in peace and possibly play a bit before they have to go to kindergarten or later to school. Or that after lunch there is an hour to relax and then you can do your homework straight away to have the afternoon free. Such things require discipline and some patience. I would have such a "Routine training“Wanted by my parents to be a little more structured.
- Pay more attention to fashion: About taste can not be argued. Perhaps this is why this project is doomed to failure. Back then, my parents didn't pay much attention to the fact that I was fashionable (in the sense of youth) and had little understanding of the fashion of the time. That means I had a hairstyle that wasn't worth the name and I didn't walk around with the trendy clothes. That doesn't mean I've lived an outsider life. I was even accepted by the most popular clique in town. But my social life could have been expanded and I think the right style played an important role even then. This situation has worsened over the past 20 years. Anyone who does not wear the trendy things or the great Justin Bieber hairstyle today is the same "out". As a parent, I don't want to protest against this consumption-oriented attitude by consciously withdrawing my children from the trend. I want my children to live the style they want, even if I have to bite my tongue on one occasion or another in the future.
- Do more: my parents were and will remain couch potatoes. I don't mean that negatively. You have always preferred to be at home rather than anywhere else. I can't blame them, we have a very nice home. Still, I think children have to see something of the world. Not that we will start a world tour anytime soon. City trips, amusement parks, etc. There are so many opportunities to do something nice with the children and change the scene. During city trips in particular, children learn a lot about their own country and there is all sorts of things to do on site.
- Encourage sport: my parents don't thinkClub dairy"As they call it. Most of the sports that are interesting for children, however, take place in a club. So I've never played soccer or any other sport. Nobody in my circle of friends was in a club either. I had few points of contact of my own and therefore no increased interest. So it's not like they opposed my desire to play a sport. But you did not encourage this desire either. That's exactly what I want to do differently. I find it very beneficial for children to do sports, especially in a team. The social competence is increased and the child's urge to move is satisfied. When my children are of the appropriate age, they should look for hobbies that they enjoy. I would like to give them the opportunity to get a taste of different activities in order to then decide on what gives them the most pleasure.
What exactly I want to do
The upbringing of the parents can only be assessed really well as an adult with a little distance. As I look back on my own childhood today and evaluate the upbringing I enjoyed in terms of its impact on my life today, my parents and I can be very happy with the results.
Link tip:What can you expect from grandparents - babysitting without parenting? (Tips from a grandpa)
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I had a lovely childhood and my parents provided me with good tools for the "World out there“Sent into the same. I want to try the things that I found and find very good to convey to my children.
- Teaching good manners: my parents were very careful about good manners without telling us "train". Eat properly at the table, shaking hands with people - looking in the eye and giving a small, appreciative nod as a hinted servant. These are all things that some take for granted, but which most of them can no longer do today. In business life, good manners have always helped me a lot and I have often stood out positively. These positive experiences confirm that manners are not old-fashioned but are still part of good manners. My wife thinks the good old servant is old-fashioned, but it is precisely such gestures that will later help my children to stand out and give a positive image.
- Setting an example of openness: we were brought up very openly and were able to come to our parents with all worries. We talked about a lot. Having this outlet for fears and worries helped a lot. Sure, as a teenager, this option was used less often. But just having the certainty that you can come to your parents with anything gave a lot of support. I also want to have this open relationship with my children. To achieve this, we try to cultivate a routine of conversation. At table, either lunch or dinner, we sit together longer and talk about a lot. Even today, with our two and a half year old son. He enjoys talking and seeing what he can do with his language.
- Love: we were and are very much loved by our parents. The fact that I am writing this with full conviction shows that my parents did everything right. My parents always showed us how much they love us, through words, through deeds and of course also through tenderness (we didn't find the latter so great as teenagers). I give this love to my children. Who knows love can pass it on and from whom else can you learn it better than from parents?
- Let develop freely: my parents always gave us the freedom to develop freely. They let us do it, recognized where our strengths lie and further encouraged us in this direction. There was no "Master plan". If I had what it takes to master high school at school, they would have sent me there. In order not to take away the fun of learning and the risk of changing schools, with all the associated difficulties (loss of friends, etc.), I went to secondary school. I had the friends I wanted and could pursue whatever career I thought was the right one. I think it's great that my parents are unbiased and that they have the right to develop personally. It is not uncommon to hear from parents who try to live their broken dreams through having children. It is precisely this impartiality that I want to maintain. That in some future decisions or discussions I will ask myself how my parents would have decided (hopefully I can still ask them for advice personally for a long time).
- Be a little strict: There was no strictness at home - consequent, yes - but my parents were never strict. I think this is one of the most important distinctions. Many parents think that being strict is the same as being strict. I don't want to be a strict father myself before whom the children "anxiety"Or excessive"respect“Should have. But you should already know that I stand by what I say, no matter in which direction.
What do you do differently or what do you want to do differently than your parents?
As you can see, I can draw a positive summary of my childhood and my upbringing. Still, I find a number of things that I want to do differently. I am sure that if you think about it, you will also think of one or the other thing that you would do differently. Perhaps not spontaneously but only after a long period of consideration. I would be very happy if you tell me in the comment what you would do differently or maybe already do differently.
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