Are limits and rules the same

Until here and no further: Skilfully setting limits for children

"Next to the Learning on the model and Learning from experience is Reward learning the most effective way in which children internalize the rules of the environment around them, ”says Geremek. If a child learns that they will receive positive feedback in the form of parental attention or a reward after a desired behavior, they will remember this rule much better than through a fictitious prohibition.

"In raising children, it is important to maintain the balance between love and benevolence on the one hand and rigor and consistency on the other - a balancing act that all parents know." Exceptions and compromises can also be made. Two examples: "Because you were so good today, you can tonight ... " or "You see, mom is in the home office today, so it's okay if, for once ... "It is only important that these compromises are also described as an exception.

"If exceptions do not predominate, the children are happy, especially if they can make a positive contribution to the exceptions themselves." In this way they learn that rule violations are not only punished, but that positive behavior pays off. Compromise results in parents being perceived by their children as being more generous and fairer.

“Compromises, when negotiated according to their age, strengthen children's self-esteem. They experience that they are self-effective and can influence their environment by presenting adequate arguments. ”But be careful: when parents discuss everything with their children, they signal that nothing is really certain. “This is how rules are undermined. The child is taught that he is on a par with the adults and can have a say in everything. "